Updated: Jun 18, 2020
Hello and welcome to my Kylie Jenner spin off of the year of ‘realising things’. I had too many thing/ting variations so here’s today’s ‘realising’. Welcome one and all, I know you’re tuned in completely and ready to follow another segment that probably won’t happen again.
Today on realising. I realised I’ve been doing my spiritual awakening and self-care all wrong! Hear me out… I know, I know. We see the cliche’s all the time of like ‘self-care isn’t just face masks and bubble baths…’. I mean, take it from someone who after moving house took 1-2 bubble baths a day for over two weeks… and did three face masks in the span of 7 days last week in ISO… I’ve really tried to make it work. It took watching a TikTok (below) to realise that what I had been feeling while using the baths and masks was in fact the real spiritual awakening.
I realised that the moments where you shift and break out of yourself too fast are the real awakenings. Where the line between tension and trauma is blurred. When you feel, let go of, change, move, say no - because you know you will be better off in the long run. Self-care and awakening is ripping off the bandaid and feeling the thing that you have done everything in your power not to feel.
I think I deeply want my spiritual awakening/self-care to be beautiful and had an expectation that it will be. And so when it’s not, not only am I dealing with this total Noah’s ark-type wave of discomfort, I’m also dealing with the tension of unmet expectations. I have cracked myself open so many times since isolation. I continue to push forward, do things that scare the shit out of me, try new things I have been scared to try, poke that sore and initiate new conversations and new depths.
Most importantly I have sat alone and marinated in the discomfort of that act. Sometimes with no external validation to guide me through my decisions. Having to make decisions for myself and learn to feel good about them.
I really love face masks, and will probably continue to do those external things to aid in self-care. Instead of doing them and feeling a deep hole, I can do them knowing that I need to be gentle with myself while I start to scratch the surface beneath.